


The Art of Being Useful

by AccidentallyObsessed



Series: Where You Stand, I Stand [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Caring!Bones, Caring!Jim, Established Relationship, Healing, Hurt!Bones, Hurt!Jim, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Medical Procedures, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:04:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21851146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccidentallyObsessed/pseuds/AccidentallyObsessed
Summary: Bones' eyes softened, "Darlin'," He breathed quietly into the space between them, waiting until Jim could meet his eyes again."Useful? I couldn't have- with you... I don't know what I would have done without you, Jim. I don't think you've got any idea how important you've been to my getting to where I am right now. Do you understand. Every moment you're useful... just lookin' at you makes me a little stronger, okay?"---If all they have left is each other, how could that possibly not be enough?
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Series: Where You Stand, I Stand [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1572697
Comments: 84
Kudos: 139





	1. Chapter 1

With a somewhat annoyed expression, Bones looked up at him from their couch as he strode into their quarters, "I can't tie my own damn boots," he grumbled in lieu of a greeting, kicking the offending object defiantly.

"Good afternoon to you too," Jim snorted, walking over to his husband and smoothing his hair back, planting a feather light kiss to the very top of his head.

He'd lost track of how many times he's had to intervene in situations like this- when Bones' frustration leaked through and he couldn't help but lash out in anger at his situation. Not that he blamed his husband in the slightest, Jim himself moaned like a bitch when he couldn't do things for himself during long recoveries. In fact, there was still a chip in the bulkhead wall from when he'd hurled a spoon at it in his annoyance at his inability to feed himself. 

"It's a good job I didn't marry you for your boot tying abilities then," He deadpanned. 

It was important to Jim, that he handled these outbursts in the correct way, that he didn't return Bones' frustration or, even worse, express any pity. It was a fine line to walk though, because he never wanted Bones to feel as though his reactions weren't totally valid, that his emotions weren't allowed to be expressed. So, Jim generally stuck to his preferred method; humour. It made things feel normal when they were teasing back and forth, so he kept all his responses light, even if he never stopped being ready to handle a melt down. Because God, if anyone deserved a good old-fashioned melt down right now, it was his husband. 

To Jim's palpable relief though, Bones' mouth quirked up a little, tangible proof that this time, at least, he'd struck the balance correctly, "Oh, shut up. You married me because I'm just as stubborn as you are, and you love a challenge more than anything," Bones shot right back.

"I married you for tax purposes," Another risk. Bones might not be up to joking like this right now. Might still need Jim to hold him close and remind him of all the reasons he loved him, all the reasons why he _still_ loved him, sans arm. 

"Yeah, no shit you did. _I'm_ the one who does our taxes," Leonard snorted, amused... and the sound was music to Jim's ears, further proof that they were slowly healing, that things were inching back in the general direction of 'normal'.

"Because taxes are for _adults_ Bones. You can't call me infant 9 times a day and expect it to have no affect on me!" He was pushing it now, but frankly he was unable to stop himself. Jim _needed_ this. Needed to feel like Bones was his husband again, for just a damn moment. Hell, maybe it was selfish, but he had a sneaking suspicion that they'd both be better for it. 

Bones made a couple of noises that Jim would describe as his 'general grumble', as opposed to his 'angry grumble' or his 'Jim is injured grumble', before Bones eyes softened out into something gentler- more vulnerable, "... help me with the laces?"

They'd both gotten drastically better at this over the years, at asking for help when they needed it and trusting the other to give it freely. Jim had worked tirelessly on breaking old habits, on forcing himself to admit to his husband when he needed something... but now it seems it was Leonard's turn to have no choice but to start practising.

He pressed another kiss to Bones head before pulling back enough to look him in the eye, "Always," He promised solemnly, voicing something they both already knew but apparently both still needed to hear.

His forehead creased a little in thought however. It just wasn't _practical_ for Bones to not be able to fully dress himself every day, and it would never do if Jim ended up on a different shift rotation because he _knew_ Bones wouldn't ask for help from anyone else. Knew that his husband was too damn proud for that, even if they were on a ship full of people who would fall over themselves to be useful. 

"Actually... I'll do one better," He said after a moments consideration, gathering up both boots before heading to his desk, a compulsion to just make things _better_ overtaking him. This was what Jim had always done, used his brain and his hands to arrive at some kind of practical solution that would fix everything... that was why he'd been struggling so damn much with this. With not being able to _fix_ it.

"What the hell are you doing?" Came the confused words from behind him as Bones got to his (notably boot-less) feet.

He totally ignored the enquiry, as he was famous for doing when he got fixated on a task like this, his entire world narrowing until it was just him and his project.

"Here, try these on for size," He said eagerly, swivelling his chair round to present the footwear for Bones' examination. He'd programmed the replicator to produce shoelaces that looked almost identical but made from elastic, tying them into an inconspicuous double knot. "There, now you should just be able to slip them on and no one will be any the wiser," He declared, with a firm nod of his head.

The quizzical look he received instantly melted into surprised understanding, "I'll be damned," He husband murmured, slipping on the boots with little to no wiggling around, a perfect fit. Bones probably didn't even realise it, but he was smiling brighter right now than he had since waking up to the news of his amputation, and it made Jim's entire chest relax a little, made him lose tension he hadn't even realised he'd been carrying. 

"You better get your ass over here and kiss me," And the words might sound like a threat, but Jim understood them for what they were... a thank you. A thank you for eliminating this daily reminder that he was _different_ now. A thank you for giving him back just that little bit of independence. A thank you for all the times he'd proven just how dedicated he was to make this process as smooth as possible.

He couldn't stop his whole face lighting up as he wheeled his chair over and pulled Bones down until he was straddling Jim's lap, settling his hands firmly on his husband's hips to help him balance, as was second nature by now. The angle was awkward, Bones was taller than him and Jim had to crane his neck to meet his husband lips but he didn't _care_. He kissed him long and hard, exactly the way he'd been longing to do for weeks now, exactly the way Bones hadn't been ready for, and when he pulled back to breath there was a blazing smile on his face.

"You see, I'm capable of being useful on occasion," He teased, but that might have been a mistake because he couldn't _quite_ cover the pain in his voice despite his best efforts.

Bones' eyes softened, "Darlin'," He breathed quietly into the space between them, waiting until Jim could meet his eyes again, "Useful? I couldn't have- with you... I don't know what I would have done without you, Jim. I don't think you've got _any_ idea how important you've been to my getting to where I am right now. Do you understand? Every _moment_ you're useful... just lookin' at you makes me a little stronger, okay?"

His head fell forward against his husband's shoulder, shuddering under the praise as he took a few deep breaths as subtly as possible. He had no right to feel like this, no right to end the happy mood that had finally settled over them. He thought intently on his husband's words, willed himself to believe them so he could _move past this,_ so he could go back to focusing on Bones again. It was hard to feel 'useful' when your husband was throwing up from the pain in a limb he no longer possessed. It was harder still to feel useful in the face of his frustration at the knowledge that he couldn't work right now, couldn't even help with the admin until he was signed off by M'Benga. It was damn impossible when he'd entered these very quarters to find Bones looking at himself in the mirror, openly crying. 

Little tasks like these helped though, they gave him a purpose that he so desperately needed. So, when he finally looked up to meet Bones' eye, he hid all that desperation behind an easy smile. " Well, I _am_ a good view after all," He teased, replying to Bones' last statement with practised calm. "I always said my looks could cure,"

Bones wouldn't be distracted though, he knew Jim too damn well for that apparently, wouldn't be baited away from Jim's very real insecurities... and Jim loved and hated that in equal measures, "You know, I've lost count on how many family members I've coached through recoveries like this," He started conversationally, but Jim recognised instantly that he was building to something, "You know what I tell them? I tell them to be patient. I tell them to be positive and kind. I tell them look after _each other._ And Christ Jim, I wish I could tell you from a place that wasn't so damn biased how _amazing_ you're doing," 

Jim choked a little on next breath, Bones was looking down at him intently, earnestly, as though begging Jim to listen to him, to _believe_ him, "In sickness and in health, that's what we promised each other darlin'... and that goes both ways," He murmured. The pause that followed was full of a kind of tension that Jim couldn't possibly hope to name, both of them too scared to break it until...

"I would go to the darkest corners of the galaxy for you and _with_ you. I'll take you, in every and any capacity you give yourself to me and I'll _never_ need more. I'll love you in sickness and in health and if death tries to part us, well... the devil won't know what's coming for him. Ain't that right darlin'?" 

Jim's breath stuttered out of his body for a moment. Bones' vows. Those words, they'd been part of Bones' _vows_ and just hearing them now was almost too much. Almost... because Bones never pushed him places he wasn't ready or able to go. Uncannily, he found the exact words Jim had needed to hear, even if he hadn't known himself what they were. He found the exact words that reminded them how far they'd come, how _much_ they'd already beaten. How much they'd already accomplished together. If they'd come through all that, surely they could do this too?

He relaxed bodily into the chair without even realising that's what he was doing, leaning instinctively into Bones' warmth. Losing the battle with his emotions the mask cracked just a little, just enough, to show the anguish behind it, this tender moment flooring him completely. Bones just had that effect. It took a couple of shaky seconds before Jim could draw in a suspiciously wet sounding breath, "That's right," He breathed, leaning shamelessly into the fingers Bones' had moved into his hair as he wrestled for control of himself- Bones didn't need this from him right now _dammit._

"Where you stand, I stand Bones," He found himself all but whispering, though the words were no less serious than on the day he'd first spoken them. An old, old promise Bones had made him one terrifying night, when Jim had woken up screaming and been unable to calm back down, not even in Bones' arms. The first promise Bones had ever made him. The first promise in his life Jim had trusted, "And if you feel like you can't keep standing, I'll hold you up. When the weight of the world is too much for you, I'll hold that too," He managed to choke out, the words startlingly relevant to their current situation, "Where you go, I go. Wherever this world takes you, whatever it throws at you... I'll _be there_ ,"

He just barely managed to get the words out. He'd agonised for weeks about what the hell he was going to say, what could possible be _enough_. Bones had literally bested death for him, Jim needed him to know that there was nothing he wouldn't do either. 

Bones made a pleased hum of agreement, moving to just barely bump his nose against Jim's, crowding right into his personal space, face serious but eyes shining, "I love you, James Kirk. I know you won't give up on me, okay? So you better tell that guilt to fuck off, it's got no place here,"

Jim closed his eyes and just breathed with his husband for a moment. As always, Bones had managed to use his words to articulate thoughts and _feelings_ in a way Jim never could, try as he might. God, Bones just had this _knack_ for finding all of Jim's jagged pieces and smoothing them over, "Nothing could ever make me give up on you," He swore, swallowing back the emotions that were threatening to choke him up. Jim didn't quite have his husband's talent, could never quite find the words he needed to accurately explain how he was feeling, but he knew he had to try now, that maybe it had never been so important, "I'm sorry," He breathed, "I love you, and I'm sorry and I'm struggling to understand how I feel about this. But I _know_ I love you... and I know that's enough,"

There was just so much to feel, so much to process. So instead, Jim decided to stick to the facts. Facts he could handle, and it was a _fact_ that he loved Bones.

"It's okay," Bones said immediately, coaxing Jim to meet his eyes again with a gentle hand on his chin, "I'm sorry too... I don't know how to feel either, but I know I love you too. When you're next to me Jim, I know I'll be fine. Even when I wake up feeling..." He trailed off, swallowing, "Even when I feel broken, you make that go away. You don't look at me any different," And even with his talent for helping Jim express himself it was clear the doctor was struggling now. 

"Because you're _not_ different," Jim said urgently, hands flexing tighter on Bones hips in his haste to assure his husband, to make that particular doubt go away. "You aren't less _whole_ ," He said, softer time, the honesty shining through in his words. "I'm never going to look at you differently because you're not different. God, it's just a body. That's all. And I... I-I know better than anyone how a body can change, how broken and frail it can become, and how utterly _unbroken_ the person can be," He said, only faltering slightly under the weight of the memories of his childhood, a small pained sound the only tell. 

"The Leonard McCoy I fell in love with is the exact same as he's always been," He murmured, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. "I sure as hell didn't fall in love with you for your arm," He said, keeping his expression as open as he could. "I fell in love with you because you marched right into my life and made it better. You told all my demons to fuck off and you stuck by me and you make _me_ better," He murmured, stumbling around the words. "I'm shit at this," He said with a self deprecating laugh, "But I mean every damn word,"

Bones blinked at him for a moment, as though trying to take all of that in. Jim didn't blame him for his surprise, it was rare that he spent as much time and effort on _words_ like that, preferring instead to _show_ Bones how much he loved him... but that just wasn't going to cut it, not tonight. 

"You're perfect at this," Bones murmured eventually, framing Jim's face with his hand before leaning down to kiss him firmly, lovingly, "I know you mean it. I know you. I love you. I _love_ you," He reiterated warmly, in between the kisses he was pressing gently to Jim's lips, "You've never once grudged me anything I need, not once Jim,"

There were two types of people on this world Jim figured. There was the 'I went through this, so you should have to do it too' kind of people, and there was the 'I went through this so you _never_ have to' type. He was definitely the latter. Bones would never feel bad about taking this time to recover. About the emotions he didn't fully understand but was still compelled to express... not if Jim had anything to say about it. No, that particular trauma was one he could do something about. 

"There just... there just isn't words to explain how much I love you," Jim said simply. If those words existed Jim certainly didn't know them. "You're so amazing. You're _still_ amazing. You never once blamed me for any of this," He murmured.

Bones brushed his fingers through Jim's hair gently, smiling down at him in a way neither of them had seen in these long weeks, though it had taken on a serious edge at Jim's last comment, "None of this is your fault Jim, you know that, right?"

Jim pressed his head more firmly into Bones' touch. He'd always been a tactile person, needing to feel and to hold more than he needed words. If Bones was holding him he _knew_ things were going to be fine, he could instinctively relax and just allow himself to be _Jim_ for a while. So, he _almost_ believed Bones when he told him it wasn't his fault, holding him tight like he was. But the guilt was still there, and that wasn't fair on either of them 

"I-It was me that failed to fix your arm," Jim whispered, like it had been a secret all along, "And I-I... It was me that signed the consent form for- for the surgery," He choked out past the lump in his throat. 

Now, Jim wasn't stupid, he knew that amputation had been the only thing that was going to save Bones' life, and he'd said as much before, but that didn't make the sick feeling go away. "I _know_ I had to, and I know you know that too," He continued, still just trying to state facts so that Bones could _understand_. What he couldn't articulate though was the physical pain that would shoot through him every time he seen Bones struggle, or the mess of confused emotions every time M'Benga spoke about the operation. "But, God if I could go back and swap places with you... I would," He finished quietly before shaking his head a little to push away those thoughts.

"I know, darlin'. I know," Leonard whispered, holding Jim a little tighter in return.

The simple truth was that Jim had done no wrong, and they both knew it. They also knew that Bones' future wasn't gone without his arm, yet here they were... both seeking and needing reassurance about these things. They'd needed this conversation, Jim knew that, and he knew that they couldn't have had it any time before this, not when the trauma was still so fresh and neither of them could understand how to tell the other what they were feeling. But, from having sat down and spoken about everything Jim knew better how support Bones moving forward, knew to never treat him as broken, could now understand his frustration at having _changed._ He could practically see the light at the end of the damn tunnel, they just had to make it through. They always made it through though... always.

"Tell me you don't blame me," He said, the words spoken so softly they were barely audible. A long, long time ago when Jim had been almost physically unable to express himself at all, Bones had told him to ask for what he needed. Neither of them were damn mind readers and they didn't know each other well enough to guess back then. He fell back on this strategy now, when he was cut open and left bare in front of his husband. It almost felt like a failure to have regressed so far back to needing to actually _ask_ for something like this, especially when Bones was the one with the right to be hurting, the right to be asking.

Bones didn't so much as blink however, almost as though he'd been expecting something like this to come up. He cupped Jim's jawline with the hand he had left, kissing his opposite cheek so that it wouldn't be left out of the affectionate gesture. Then, his head drew back, so that he could look Jim straight in the eye. "I do not blame you," he said, his voice firm yet kind. "I don't blame you, Jim. I blame the bastard who broke my arm, and the assholes who didn't offer us any medical assistance in the wake of that whole mess. But I _do not_ blame you. You understand me?" He continued to search Jim's eyes, apparently picking up on something else as well, "You know, it's not a failure, using these old tactics. It just means that they _work_. You keep using them Jim, you hear me? For as long as they help,"

Jim practically _melted,_ his breath leaving him in a relieved whoosh of air. It was as if every iota of tension had left his body, stress that he didn't know he'd even been displaying vanished and left him relaxed and shaky. How had he gotten so damn lucky? To possibly find the only man on the planet who could completely eradicate Jim's fears like that, who understood him better than he understood himself. 

Jim opened and closed his mouth several times, aborted several sentences because they didn't feel _enough_. It felt monumental, this moment, the two of them vulnerable and scared, dependant on the other to heal, "I-I need... you," He finally decided on, voicing another thing that he _needed._ "I need _you_ Bones, always will," He murmured, pressing a downright desperate kiss to his husband's lips.

"I ain't ever leaving," Bones assured him immediately, murmuring the words against Jim's lips, "And I'll remind you however many times you need me to. Alright?" 

Jim could only managed a weak nod, too reluctant to move back out of Bones' space and too _wiped_ from the energy that conversation had taken out of him. 'Speak your mind, tell me what you need, I'll be there.' Always, always. Repetition and confirmation of the way they'd loved each other from the very beginning. Before they even realised it was love.

"...d'you think the Captain will be mad at us, if we show up late to our shifts?" Bones whispered after a long, perfect moment where all they did was soak in one another's presence. Foreheads pressed together, Jim's arms securely around his husband, and Bones' hand playing gently with Jim's short hair.

"No," He choked out on an exhausted laugh, pressing another chaste kiss to Bones' lips. It was moments liked these that Jim lived for. In hindsight, he wasn't sure how he'd managed at all before Bones. Without him to give him what he needed, even when Bones himself felt like he was crumbling. "Because the captain needs a damn nap. Just... lay down with me?"

"Gladly darlin'. Gladly,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is! The next instalment of our poor boys journey! I hope it's not too different from what you were expecting and, even if it is, that you enjoy it anyway :) 
> 
> Any favourite lines or things you want to see more/less of?


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, you ready for this?" Jim asked for what felt like the millionth time. 

The answer had always been the same, of course, because the sooner Bones got his prosthetic, the sooner he could could start physical therapy... and the sooner _that_ process was underway the sooner Bones could resume some of his duties.

The pair of them were sitting side by side in the waiting room on one of StarFleet's many outpost medical facilities. They'd come to the very best, a doctor pioneering in prosthetics able to carry out delicate tasks. Knowing Bones' would feel better about the whole situation if there was some familiarity involved, Jim had recruited Scotty on day one. He'd been there for every consult, even helped design the damn thing, and now he and Dr Hotchkiss were gowning up somewhere else in the building, ready to fit the arm, to fuse it to Bones' nerve endings. 

"You'll..." His husband started then trailed off.

"I'm gonna be with you the whole time, okay?" He whispered, smiling gently in reassurance. This, as well, had been well established from the beginning. The process was often painful and Jim would never let Bones do it alone, but clearly that needed reinforcing, "I'm not gonna leave," 

Bones couldn't even reply, just nodded stiffly and pressed himself tightly to Jim's side. There was a lot riding on this and they both knew it. There was no guarantee that he'd be able to regain full function with the prosthetic, it all depended on surviving nerve endings and how well they could still communicate with the brain or, at least, that was how Jim understood it anyway. 

"I'm looking forward to it being over," Bones said softly, tightly, the words forced out of an uncooperative throat.

Jim nodded his agreement hesitantly, he _was_ looking forward to Bones getting the use of another hand back, but he didn't want to totally dismiss the experience as something that was now in the past. They'd both learned a lot from it, they'd both been stripped raw and rebuilt due to it. He wasn't sure how healthy it was to draw a line under such an experience and call it over, but hey Jim wasn't the doctor here. In fact, he was the poster boy for unhealthy coping habits, so he was happy to keep following Bones lead. 

"I know you do," He said finally, because that felt safe to admit.

He was saved from answering further by the appearance of Scotty, a couple of orderlies in tow, "You're up lads," He ginned, nodding once in greeting to both of them.

Jim was irrationally relived that it was Scotty who'd been sent to collect Bones, that his husband wasn't going to be wheeled away from him by a relative stranger.

"Everything's all set up and where I like it," The engineer grinned, his own way off telling them not to worry, that he had everything under control, without saying the actual words. Not for the first time Jim thanked his damn lucky stars that the Scotsman had been so willing to do this for them, that Bones could have this familiar face, because Scotty _instantly_ understood that any more fussing would only put Bones further on edge. 

"Now, I've to take you with me for those knock-out drugs that you certainly know more about than I do," Again, another excellent reminder that _Bones_ was the doctor here, "And Jim, you've to head off with Ralph here and get suited and booted, sound good?" 

"Sounds good," Jim grinned back, trying to match Scotty's calm energy. Squeezing Bones' hand tightly he turned to smile gently at his husband, "Right?"

He only got a nod in return.

"Hey, remember what we spoke about. I'll be the first person you see when you wake up, alright?"

Bones had to be unconscious for the first part of the procedure; covering the stump of his arm with the initial layer of biomechanics that was fused to his nerves. This meant he could remove the actual prosthetic from his arm, for repairs, upgrades or any other time, especially during the exhausting physical therapy process.

"Alright," It was tight and unsure sounding but it _was_ an answer, and at this point Jim decided that was as good as they were going to get, that he could sit here reassuring Bones for hours and the answer would still be the same.

"Good," He hummed reassuringly, "I'll see you soon, okay? I love you," He murmured softly.

It was testimony to how nervous Bones was that he couldn't even say the words back.

\---

Bones started stirring _right_ on cue, calming Jim's jittery mood considerably. He just wasn't _used_ to this kind of environment, certainly not as the person _not_ on the table at any rate, but this was where Bones needed him. There had been no other option, no discussion to be had.

"Hey there," He hummed, giving Bones' hand a squeeze on reflex, "You back with us, huh? Come on, nap time's over," 

He tried not to let the relief show on his face as Bones' eyes fluttered open, "...mm. How're we doin'?" He mumbled, somewhat slurred but he'd been assured that was normal, that the sedatives keeping his husband calm and relaxed would make him lethargic. 

"We're doing just great," Jim hastened to assure him from behind his surgical mask, "But apparently I've got to ask you a few questions okay? Do you feel up to that yet? Awake enough?"

Bones blinked at him for a moment longer, slow and sleepy, before giving a small nod, "Yeah Jim. Let's uh... let's do this,"

"How are you feeling? Any pain?" He enquired seriously, "Do you remember where you are? What date is it?" He continued on, following his instructions to the _letter_. That had been the only way that Dr Hotchkiss had allowed Jim to take her place and wake Bones up.

Unexpectedly, Bones smiled at him a little, looking almost amused, "One at a time darlin'," His husband chuckled fondly, and Jim felt the last bits of tension leave him. As unsure as he was in this environment he _was_ sure of Bones... and that was enough.

"Oh, sorry," He smiled, looking a little bit sheepish, "How do you feel?" He settled on, deciding that was most important, that he wanted any discomfort that Bones was in to be ended. Quickly.

"A lil' dizzy, lil' disorientated. Nothing bad or worrying," Bones said after a moments consideration, clearly answering the question the way _he_ would like it answered when roles were reversed.

"Good! That's good," Jim agreed with a relieved sigh, glancing at Dr Hotchkiss to double check that was, in fact, the case. With further reassurance that Bones was doing okay he moved on, "Do you know where you are?"

"I'm... not in my sickbay," He said after a moments consideration, "Fuzzy on the details, but that's not the brand of mask we use," He explained, nodding to the fabric that obscured most of Jim's face, "Starbase 11, or some such?" He guessed, and even though that was wrong, Hotchkiss seemed unconcerned so Jim was happy to accept that.

"Close enough," He agreed easily, nodding encouragingly, "Do you know why we're here,"

"Yeah, I get my new arm today. I hope. Because Jim I'm gunna be _real_ pissed if they've switched out my foot instead," He grumbled, but it was in good nature and the most relaxed Jim had heard him about the situation. Whether that was the drugs or the knowledge that his patience hadn't been for nothing Jim didn't know or particularly care.

"Aye, he's fine," Scotty managed to say round a startled laugh.

"Full marks," Jim agreed, smiling his amusement down at his husband even if his mouth was obscured. Bones was a pro at reading Jim's face, he'd get the message.

He startled a little as Dr Hotchkiss cleared her throat to remind him to keep going, "Oh. Yeah. Sorry doc!" He apologised quickly, wanting to stay in the doctor's good graces lest he be removed from his current position.

"So, this next part might hurt. Like, a good bit," He said apologetically. This was something that had been explained to them many times during the pre op consultations, that when Bones' nerves were fused to the prosthetic there was no way to know how he would react. Every patient was different so they'd both been told to expect the worst. "We're gonna start as soon as you say you're ready, okay? I'm going to be right here," He said forcefully, squeezing Bones' hand again.

Bones nodded dutifully at him in understanding. No one rushed him, Jim wouldn't allow it. They'd spoken in depth about how Bones thought he might handle this and Jim knew that it helped, at least a little, to know that any pain he might feel wasn't caused by any danger. His brain wouldn't know the difference, but _Bones_ would. Pain was nothing but warnings given to the brain by alarmed nerves after all, something which Jim could see his husband reminding himself of now. 

"Okay. Okay Jim, let's go," Bones said after a time. 

For a moment, everything was still. Then, he watched the _exact_ moment the first connection was made. Watched Bones face tighten, seen the pain in his eyes as he let out a strangled hiss from between clenched teeth. His heart _dropped._ Plummeted straight down into his boots along with any hopes that this could possibly be easy for them.

"Bones," He said, trying and failing to keep the urgency out of his voice as he reclaimed Bones' attention. They'd known this might be coming, they'd even spoken about how best to deal with it, but that didn't make it any easier, "Bones! Look at me, okay? Right at me. That's it. Can you hear me, huh? Squeeze my hand for me," He encouraged, checking how aware his husband was.

It took a moment, a long moment, for that command to sink in, but finally Jim felt fingers grip his own in a bruising grip, " _Shit_ ," Bones managed to spit out, face contorting as the process continued.

"Yeah. Shit," He agreed, though he gripped that hand right back. It didn't feel like nearly enough, but it was all he had to offer right now, "But it's not going to last forever, you know that. Not forever. We just have to ride it out, and it's going to be so worth it, remember that?" Keeping his voice as soft as he could right now, so that nothing sounded like an emergency. 

"Yeah. Work," His husband spat out, voice tight as he tried to control the pain in it. 

"Mmm, that's right," Jim agreed hesitantly, "This is the first step in getting back there, isn't it?" He chose his words very carefully. As much as it physically hurt him, not even _now_ would he make Bones false promises. 

A nod. Right, that wasn't good enough, Jim had to keep him engaged, listening at the very least and _answering_ if at all possible.

"Remember that night on Ka'Tros? When that quake collapsed the building we were staying in?" He asked softly, after only a moments consideration.

Clearly unsure where he was going with this Bones only raised an eyebrow. That would do. That not only meant that he was still listening to Jim, but that he could still control his facial expressions. Good. That was good.

"Your leg got pinned," He remembered clearly, trying not to wince at the memory of Bones spitting out curses at the pain of it, "And we couldn't find your MedKit in all the confusion. It took _ages_ for a beam up... but remember how it felt when you got that painkiller? Can you focus on that? That feeling, that's how it's going to feel real soon Bones, okay?"

He smiled sympathetically at Bones doubtful look, reaching out to cup his cheek, "I know, that's difficult to imagine right now, huh? But we're almost done here Bones, we're almost done. Just hang in there for a little a bit longer," He all but begged, thumb sweeping back and forth gently, soothing as best he could.

"That's it, that's it," He encouraged as Bones obviously tried hard to listen to him, to focus, "You're doing much better than me. I'd have been swearing up a storm by now," He commented mildly, pleased when Bones lips twitched just a _little_ at that.

"Here we go, they're making the last connection now! They're just finishing up, okay? Not long now," And then there was a snapping noise as the whole mechanism locked closed and plastic and metal became an _arm_. 

Jim didn't let himself become distracted however, Bones was still his sole focus. "There we are. It's over! You did amazing, okay? It's all done now, it's done Bones," He said urgently, trying to bring Bones back from whatever part of his mind he's retreated to. "I'm so proud of you," He whispered, not because he didn't want anyone else in the room to know, but because those words were for Bones and Bones alone. 

Bones stared up at him, vulnerable and trusting. His chest heaved, drawing in the air he had been denying himself, the air that the pain had knocked from his lungs, "Over?" He panted after a long moment, despite having heard Jim's repeated assurances.

"Yeah babe, it's over," Jim promised. 

"Can I see?" 

Scotty immediately jumped into action, lowering the drape. He hesitated for only a moment before pulling the material away completely, revealing exactly what all that pain had been for. 

It was a sight to behold. Interlocking plates, elegantly weaving in and out of each other, that would move independently to give Bones, hopefully, a full range of motion. White in colour, it was neither metal nor plastic, as Jim had assumed it would be from photos, but something in the middle maybe? Either way, it was stunning. Literally stunning because all of a sudden Jim found he didn't quite know what to say.

"What do you think?" He breathed after a moment, as though scared anything louder would ruin the moment. He waited patiently for an answer, making it clear that whatever Bones was feeling right now was okay. They could deal with it. 

There came no reply to the question at first, instead Bones moved the arm. Dozens of little plates moved delicately with smooth ease as Bones made his fingers twitch, letting out a breath of disbelief at the sight. Clearly reassured, he slowly raised his hand off the flat surface it had been resting on, grunting with the effort it took, "...I think it worked,"

Jim watched in awe as Bones moved his arm, the movements so exactly identical to the way Bones would normally move that Jim almost choked up. Bones had an _arm_. One that was responding and moving and doing everything that it was supposed to, "I think it worked too," Jim managed to say back, swallowing around the ball of emotion in his throat. It had been such a long damn journey to get here.

Hesitantly, Jim held his own hand out, palm flat, giving Bones the option to touch him, to feel Jim's hand against his new one. 

Bones didn't hesitate though, not even for a second. Face scrunched up in concentration he guided his prosthetic hand over to Jim's, touching his fingertips against Jim's open palm. 

He blinked once. Twice. Then frowned, "...I can't feel anything," He choked out, and God, he sounded _wrecked_.

"That's okay! That's okay," Jim rushed to assure him, to remind him... to wipe that look off his face because it had crumpled as Bones retreated in to himself again, shielding himself from the possibility that something had gone wrong, that all this waiting had been for nothing, "Remember?"

"Aye, that's alright! You'll need a few hours to get used to the arm, let your brain sort out all the signals that just returned," Scotty prompted gently, stepping hastily into Bones' eyeline the moment he heart the panicked words, "First you'll feel warmth and cold, as the most prominent sensation. But with a bit of time, your experience will be far more detailed. Ideally, just as detailed as with your original hand. So far, it's an excellent sign that you move so easily."

Bones knew all this, of course. It had been carefully explained to them from the very start what he could expect in the first few months, but Jim didn't blame him in the slightest for his reaction. They'd both built this day up to be something monumental, and with that came the inevitable disappointment of reality. He knew Bones wanted this to be over, to be _fixed_ , but these things took time.

"It'll come back, don't worry," He said softly, marvelling at the feel of Leonard's fingers against his palm. The material was smooth and on the cold side, unlike anything Jim had ever felt before. It wasn't as hard as he'd been expecting and had a bit of give to it, almost like rubber, "Don't worry," He repeated, watching the doubt cloud Leonard's mind again.

A controlled breath and a curt nod was all he answer he was given as Bones lowered the prosthetic again, clearly drained from the effort of lifting it at all. 

"It's... strange, still. But this is some damn fine work. Thank you. All of you," Leonard spoke. His voice lacked its usual fierceness, though his words were no less genuine for it. He was simply still taking it all in, and simultaneously coming to terms with having to dedicate time to a new sort of adjustment in the coming weeks.

"No thanks needed doc," Scotty said gruffly, though Jim could tell he was pleased all the same, ""Now, let us get one last look and then we can get yous on your way,"

\---

Though Scotty was true to his word, it felt like a lifetime later that they made it back to their hotel, Bones in his arms as they reclined in bed together, heavy with the exhaustion of the day but neither ready to sleep. Not yet. 

"How're you doing?" Jim asked eventually, tentatively breaching the silence with the question he'd been dying to ask for hours now. 

"Think I'm doing okay," Leonard whispered, but the words were rough, betraying him. He wasn't freaking out, at least, but he certainly wasn't elated either. 

"But you're not as happy as you thought you'd be?" Jim prompted after a moment, gently searching for that honesty that Bones would have wanted from him

"It's not... it's not as clean cut as that," Bones sighed after a long moment of consideration, "It's amazing Jim. Just look at it," He breathed in awe, clenching his hand into a fist before relaxing it again, watching all the parts move and rotate to allow the motion, "The engineering and the biomechanics alone took _centuries_ to get right. It's just..."

He stalled out, and Jim could only wait so long before prompting, "It's just?"

"It's a reminder of what I lost," He admitted reluctantly. He was clearly still hedging around the crux of the problem but Jim allowed it, gave him the time he needed to work out how he wanted to approach what was _really_ the issue, "You'd think having no arm would be reminder enough," He huffed, self deprecatingly, "But this? This isn't my arm Jim. My arm's _gone._ It'sgone," He stopped, almost as though he'd stunned himself with the realisation, "And this is great. It's amazing... but it's not _mine_ ,"

Jim's heart damn near _broke_. He'd been warned this might happen, that gaining the prosthetic might, in the short-term, create more problems than it immediately fixed, he just hadn't been prepared to experience it. Bones had been so sure that this would fix all his problems, had suffered through recovery with a single-minded determination to reach this point as soon as possible, that he hadn't given enough thought to what he'd feel like once he made it. 

"It is yours-"

"It's _not_ ," Bones hissed, somewhat sharply, startling Jim. Quickly, he back pedalled. 

"You're allowed to feel like this, you know," He said instead, brushing brown hair away from his husband's forehead, moving so that he could look him in the eye, "Hey, no. You are. This is new, and it's scary, and you're allowed to feel unsure about it,"

Bones was shaking his head though, "It's ungrate-" He started, but this time it was Jim's turn to interrupt.

"Like hell it is," He said firmly, silencing his husband effectively with a pointed look, "Bones, look at me. _Listen_ to me. Whatever you're feeling right now is okay. This is a major change, and change takes _time_ , that's all," 

His husband still looked doubtful though, so Jim pressed on, "Okay, okay. How about this. Don't think of it as yours. Think of it as _belonging_ to you. It's something you own, something amazing, that's going to let you get your life back, that's going to hopefully let you do _amazing_ things again. It's not replacing what you lost, but it _is_ filling the space it left. Is that better? Do you think you can focus on that?"

"I don't... I don't know Jim," He breathed, and there were very real tears in his voice that Jim simply couldn't ignore any more. 

"Shh, that's okay. It's okay," He assured him, gathering him close to his chest, letting him bury his face against Jim's neck, fists almost instinctively curling into his top, "It's all okay. You're okay," He reminded softly, because that seemed to be what Bones needed to hear. He didn't need Jim to make this better right now, just needed him to be there.

"It's not _mine_ ," Came the anguished words against his skin, not so much heard as felt, "It's not. My arm's... my arm's gone. It's _gone_ Jim," 

The first sob that wracked his husband's body was the worst by far. Jim was helpless to do anything but holding him tighter, run a soothing hand down his spine to remind Bones that he was _here_ , that he wasn't leaving.

"Shh, shh now. I'm here," He murmured, helping Bones settle down against him, helping him tuck himself close until he was almost lying on top of Jim, "I'm right here with you, okay? We're going to figure this out _together_ ," He promised. It wasn't enough that he was here _now_ , he had to make sure Bones knew he wasn't _going anywhere,_ "Hear my heartbeat? Just you listen to that as best you can, because I'll tell you something, it's because of you that its still going. Its yours Bones, that heartbeat's yours. Arm or no. Prosthetic or _no._ It's yours," He murmured, and though the sobs barely quietened, he knew that he's been heard by the frantic nod. 

He didn't say anything more, not for a long while, instead he just held his husband tight, stroking a firm hand up and down his back, allowing Bones the dignity of a good cry.

" _Jim_ ," Came a sobbing gasp of his name.

"Shh, I know,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I hope I managed to include some of the things everyone was looking for! There's _certainly _pain and self-doubt in there, that's for sure!__
> 
> __This one was super hard to write, so hopefully it came out alright in the end! What did you think? Has there been a favourite line in the series you've liked so far?_ _
> 
> __It's unlikely I'll have an update for you before the new year I'm afraid! So I hope everyone enjoys whatever holiday they celebrate <3_ _


	3. Chapter 3

Jim woke up blearily, confused at first as to why he’d been pulled from sleep in the first place. It had been a hell of a day, Bones only quieting in his arms after sleep claimed him, after he’d cried himself out and given into exhaustion. They should both be dead to the world, and yet Jim was most certainly awake.

There was an odd sensation at his side, movement there that he didn’t immediately recognise. With a frown he blinked his eyes open only to find himself staring directly into the somewhat guilty looking eyes of his husband, propped up on his elbow and leaning over Jim.

“Whuh...?” He mumbled in confusion, a general inquiry as to what was going on.

Bones just glanced away, looking very much like he’d been caught doing something that he shouldn’t. Whatever had woken him had stopped, but that didn’t make him any less curious and eventually he worked up the willpower to look down. Bones fingers, his _artificial_ fingers, were hovering millimetres away from the bare skin over his ribs.

Ahh.

He floundered for a moment, wanting to handle this exactly right. Wanting to assure his husband that this was okay, he didn’t have to look so damn _worried_ because he hadn’t done anything wrong. Damn every single event that had led them to this point, to Bones looking so unsure over the simple act of touching Jim, of running his fingers up and down his side and just feeling him. God fucking damn it.

In the end though he couldn’t find the words for any of that. He was too damn tired, and they just wouldn’t come. Instead, he made a soft noise of acceptance, settling back down into the pillows. Jim Kirk was, first and foremost, a man of action. He could assure Bones until his throat went dry that he was okay with this, but maybe this was better, maybe just showing him would be kinder to both of them.

Bones fingers twitched, just slightly, but they didn’t touch him again. The uncertainty in his face was _killing_ Jim, but he made no move to do anything else. He just lay there, patient and willing, while Bones worked through this.

There was on odd sort of atmosphere in the dark room, as though the universe ended right at the edge of the bed because something so _important_ was happening right now and the air was charged with it. Charged with uncertainty and understanding and empathy and a million other things that Jim couldn’t hope to name, couldn’t hope to understand. What he _did_ understand though was how important this moment was for Bones, how important it was that he felt like he could touch Jim again, that he could reach for him in every way that he had before.

When the prosthetic fingers were touched to his side, slow and hesitant, it felt like healing. 

Of course, it felt like a million other things as well. It felt cold and foreign and strange. It felt like Bones and yet it _didn’t_. The nature of the touch was familiar and yet the actual physical feeling of it was so foreign that he irrationally felt disappointed. It was childish of him; it was selfish and _awful…_ but unreasonably he was upset that he couldn’t recognise his husband’s touch anymore.

It was a battle to keep all this off his face, but in the dark he must have succeeded because the touch increased in pressure.

Those foreign fingers trailed up and down his side, pausing every so often as Bones looked up at him, as though terrified that he might be old to stop. Jim never would though. Not just because he _always_ wanted Bones to be touching him, but because right now it was especially important that they both just took a damn moment and got used to this.

Patience. That’s what they’d promised each other at the very start of this journey, after Bones had woken to the news and had been coherent enough to talk and listen. Patience with each other _and_ themselves. They just had to work through this, that’s all. It was new and scary and not at all what they were both used to… but that was okay. It was okay. They’d be okay.

Slowly the touches grew in confidence, grew more assured. Gradually they began to feel more like Bones. Knuckles grazed over his chest causing Jim to smile a little, to relax more bodily into the bed and just let Bones take what he needed from him, blinking lazily up at him. Bones’ eyes barely strayed from his, as though constantly checking that this was okay, it was as endearing as it was foreign. Bones rarely had to check Jim was fine with being touched like this because Jim almost _always_ craved it.

Patience, he reminded himself. Patience.

Those fingers trailed cautiously upwards, brushing against his neck. An artificial thumb stroked back and forth over his pulse point causing him to squirm slightly, a stuttering breath leaving him at the intimate touch- a touch that was so completely _Bones._ He knew his pulse calmed the other man, that sometimes he just needed to feel that Jim was _alive_. That after close calls and stressful missions he just need proof, real tangible proof, that he was okay, that they were both okay. He’d lost count of the amount of times he’d woken to lips against the very spot that his husband was currently mapping out. That touch helped more than Bones could possible ever know, because it was so _undeniably_ his husband.

Fingertips brushed against his jaw before they stopped abruptly. Jim could feel the tremble in them, the hesitation and finally he moved. Slowly, gently, he brought his hand up to cover Bones’, to guide it upwards and bring it to his cheek.

A full body flinch went through Bones, his hand stopping suddenly, refusing to be brought closer to Jim’s skin, refusing to touch him they way Jim suddenly _needed_ to be touched.

“’s okay,” He murmured softly into the space between them, voice open and earnest, “’s okay,” He repeated, increasing the pressure on Bones hand, just a little, in encouragement.

It was still several moments before Bones moved. Before he lowered his hand and cupped Jim’s cheek, cradling it reverently as though he could be broken from this simple act alone. They both rested there for a moment, just breathing together in the dark, the space between them infinitesimal and yet too much all at once.

Patience. Though Jim suddenly found that he had none.

He strained upwards for a kiss, because he simply couldn’t lie there passively anymore, because he needed this and Bones always, _always_ , told him to ask for what he needed. And maybe this was exactly what Bones needed too because he leaned down readily, pressing his lips to Jim’s in a desperate sort of way. It wasn’t the soft and gentle kiss that he’d been expecting, tentative as the rest of Bones’ actions had been. No, it was desperate and eager and maybe just a little messy- the kiss of a man who knew where he belonged, who was reclaiming something that was _his._ Bones’ hand, the one that had previously been so damn hesitant, now moved with a confidence that startled him- threading into his hair to tip Jim’s head back _just_ right.

He whined a little as Bones pulled back to breath, though he didn’t go far, resting his forehead against Jim’s as his hand came down to trace his now swollen lips, to map out the rest of his features as they gazed at each other.

“What does it feel like?” He asked eventually, after Bones’ hand had settled back on his neck, thumb stroking his jaw slowly. His voice was quiet though it still felt too loud in the calm silence that had somehow settled over them.

Bones frowned, though he didn’t seem upset with the question, rather like he was thinking, trying to put words to sensations that were new to him, sensations that Jim would never feel and could never hope to understand.

“It’s… I can feel your warmth,” He settled on eventually, breathing the words softly, “I know when I’m touching you because I can feel that,” He explained, lifting his hand from Jim’s skin before replacing it, as though proving that fact to himself.

Jim smiled lazily up at him, bringing his hand up to cover Bones’ to press his face more firmly into the touch because the hesitance of it was slowly killing him.

That only caused Bones’ frown to deepen though. “I can’t- It’s uh, it’s hard to tell /how much/ I’m touching you. There’s no sense of pressure and I’m- I’m scared that I could hurt you and just… not know,” He admitted, and Jim could tell by the look in his eyes that this was a very real fear, one that needed to be addressed right the hell now.

“Bones,” He murmured, very carefully not allowing that hand to retreat, holding it exactly where it was, meeting his eyes carefully so that his husband knew that he was _serious_ right now, “You told me a long time ago that I was responsible for this relationship too, remember?” He asked softly.

The very early days of their relationship hadn’t been the easiest, the very start when everything had been terrifying and new and unlike anything he’d ever felt before. When he’d been too reliant on Bones guiding them through this new element, when he’d been too passive about his own wants and needs because he didn’t want to fuck up. Because this was _too important_ to fuck up. He remembered Bones frustration, as understanding as it was, clearly. The way he’d sat him down and carefully explained that there was two of them in this relationship, and if Jim didn’t start to take some responsibility for what he needed then they weren’t going to make it, simple as that.

Bones’ forehead crinkled a little in confusion, bud he nodded anyway, “Yeah Jim, I remember,” He sighed, clearly not sure that he liked where this was going.

“Hmm. So, by your own logic then we share responsibility for everything, right?” He elaborated, eyes serious though his face was soft.

“…right,” He agreed softly, blinking up at Jim with eyes that were almost begging him to make this better, even if Jim was using his own words against him.

“You have to trust me to tell you if something’s too much,” He murmured, turning his cheek into the touch pointedly, displaying clearly that he wanted more, broadcasting that to Bones because that’s what he needed right now apparently, clear signals when his own were muddled, “You have to trust that I’ll speak up and tell you what’s too much or too little, that I’m just as accountable for that as you are, just like you taught me,” He finished seriously, softly.

He blinked earnestly up at his husband, only risking a smile when Bones relaxed bodily against him, relieved by the reminder that this wasn’t his burden to bear alone. That _he_ wasn’t alone. They could get through this, Jim was sure of it. It would just take some adjusting. Adjusting and patience.

He moved easily to help Bones curl back into his side, moving in tandem as they balanced each other out and hell, if that wasn’t fitting metaphor for right now, he didn’t know what was. Bones balanced him; mind, body and soul. It was somewhat of a privilege to do the same for him.

He smiled lazily as, unprompted, Bones moved his prosthetic hand to guide Jim’s face back down for another kiss, slow and gentle this time a he poured his gratitude and love into it, “I love you, you know that?” Bones murmured against his lips.

“Mmm. I’m pretty fond of you too,” Jim agreed softly, quietly, speaking the words out into the night that suddenly felt so much lighter.

\---

Jim’s eyebrows raised at the sight that greeted him as he returned to their quarters. He was late off shift, very late, and the dim lights of their room indicated that they were well into Gamma, that his husband should probably be asleep, or at the very least in bed.

What he found instead troubled him deeply. Bones was sat at their table, hunched over it with a pen in his prosthetic hand as he scratched words into the paper over and over again, cursing violently under his breath. As he drew closer, he could make out the words ‘My name is Leonard McCoy’ written in increasingly sloppy letters.

Sliding into the seat in front of him he reached out to cover Bones’ hand with his own, stopping the frantic movements, “You should be in bed,” He said softly, very carefully keeping his own face gentle when Bones looked up at him with blazing eyes. Very carefully not reacting negatively when his husband harshly pulled his hand away.

“Couldn’t sleep,” He muttered, trying again to finish the sentence on the paper before _throwing_ the pen away from his with a frustrated shout, balling the paper up with his flesh hand, “ _Jesus fuck_!”

Jim just barely contained his sigh as he let the outburst continue, let it play its course and just let Bones express all that frustration. He understood how draining long recoveries could be, even if he couldn’t fully understand _this._

A long moment passed before he spoke up, before Bones heaving breaths calmed a little and dared to talk, “You wanna tell me what’s going on?” He asked evenly, because something had set his husband off, that was for sure.

“No,” Bones all but snapped, causing Jim to raise an eyebrow.

“I though we agreed that you couldn’t take your anger out on me without telling me why,” He pointed out, and he hated how this had almost become a negotiation. He didn’t mind when Bones got angry like this, didn’t even mind too much when he became the target, but he needed to understand _why._ Because if he didn’t know why he couldn’t fix it.

Bones just glared at him, and it wasn’t a look Jim was accustomed to seeing directed at him. Okay, something was wrong. Something was seriously wrong.

“Do I have to go and ask M’Benga what happened at your session today?” He challenged pointedly and it wasn’t an empty threat. If Bones wasn’t going to tell him what was going on, he sure as hell would go find someone who would.

“You don’t have to check up on me,” Bones rounded on him with a glare, “I’m not a damn _child_ , Jim,”

“That’s funny, because you’re sure as hell acting like one,” He replied, sitting back on his chair with his arms folded over his chest. Bones never hesitated to call him out on his own behaviour and honestly, Jim didn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t be allowed the same right. Jim was Bones _husband,_ and tough love was sometimes exactly that. Sometimes it was love. 

“Oh that’s rich, coming from you,” And Bones was yelling now, had stood up from his chair to slam his palms against the table, in complete juxtaposition to Jim’s own posture, which he was keeping deliberately relaxed.

Jim just nodded in acknowledgement, “Annoying, isn’t it? When someone won’t _communicate_ with you,” He agreed pointedly, raising an eyebrow to point out the irony of the situation, to remind Bones of all the times he’d chewed Jim out for the exact behaviour he was displaying now.

Bones scowled, but at least he relaxed a little, most of the anger melting from his frame at Jim’s words, though he didn’t sit back down again.

“You’re allowed to be angry Bones, you just have to tell me why,” He reminded him, because that’s what they’d both agreed. If nothing else this whole disaster had seriously forced them to work on their communication skills.

He watched his husband think that over, watched the cogs turn in his brain before finally, _finally_ , he sat back down again. His entire body still held a frustrated tension, but at least now he was willing to talk. Jim made a general ‘go ahead’ motion, making it perfectly clear that he was expecting Bones to talk to him, dammit.

“I’m never going to be a doctor again,” He spat out eventually. The words, which by all rights should have sounded broken, were instead angry, “Not like I was. And we’re all just _sitting here_ pretending that that’s _alright._ Well, you know what Jim? It’s not fucking alright. It’s not alright that my life is _over_ and all anyone can tell me is to be _patient,”_ He growled the last word, voice dripping with hatred for it.

Well, then. That was… a lot. A lot more than Jim had been expecting that they’d have to unpack in one go.

Jim nodded for a moment, wanting it to be clear that he was listening, that Bones had his undivided attention, “And today? What caused this?”

“There’s no way to know if I’ll ever be cleared for surgery. You all told me this arm would give me my _life back_ and today M’Benga looked me in the damn eye and told me I might never step back into theatre,” He growled, as though holding Jim personally responsible, as though holding them all personally responsible.

He doesn’t blame you, he reminded himself. He’s just hurting. He doesn’t blame you. He doesn’t blame you.

It took him a long moment before he could talk again, before he could push through the physical pain in his chest that Bones’ words had caused, “M’Benga’s been telling you for weeks that you’re ready to go back to work Bones,” He reminded him softly, keeping his tone the exact opposite of his husband’s.

That only earned him a scoff from the other man, “Admin. Physicals. Minor cases. Things that damn _med students_ could do. I’m a surgeon Jim. I became a doctor to help people, not to do scut work. It was bad enough at the damn Acadmey,”

Jim pounced on that, “And you don’t think that stuff helps? No? Well let me tell you a story,” He said, determination in every word.

“I’m not in the mood for a fuck-“

Jim held his hand up, stopping his rant mid-way, “Humour me,” He said, and his eyes held a dangerous glint that did indeed shut his poor husband up, “This is the story of a reckless, hot-head, corn-fed cadet who seriously considered dropping out of StarFleet instead of just attending his mandatory physical. Who nearly left behind the only damn structure he’d ever had in his life because he couldn’t stand the thought of being poked and prodded and gawked at by a doctor. Sounding familiar yet?”

“Jim, that was years ago,” Bones said with a sigh, clearly not being very forgiving of Jim’s tangent.

“You’re right, it _was_ years ago. It was before I could stand being touched in a clinical setting. It was before I could even bring myself to lie on a BioBed. It was before I trusted _anyone_ enough to let them see me when I was vulnerable. And you know what you did? You got me through it. You let me sit on the bed and you didn’t even comment on all the scar tissue that showed up on the scan. You didn’t ask intrusive questions and when I nearly had a damn panic attack in that tiny ass exam room you let me leave and trusted me to come back to finish up,” He reminded the man in front of front of him, eyes blazing as he tried to convey how much all of that had meant to him.  
  
Bones just sighed though, sounding tired, “Jim, anyone would have-“

“No. _Anyone_ wouldn’t. Trust me,” He said seriously, because he’d had his fair share of awful experiences, “But _you_ did. I stayed in StarFleet because of you. I got my damn life together and it was all because _you_ were my doctor,” He said softly, seriously, his face and voice earnest, “So don’t you dare tell me that just because you’re not ready for surgery yet means that you can’t help people. Don’t you _dare_ ,” He finished fiercely.

“Jim…” Bones said on a sigh, sounding very much like he wanted to believe him but just… couldn’t, “This is my _life_ we’re talking about,” He whispered, every trace of anger gone only to leave desperation in its place and while his tone broke Jim damn heart, at least now they were talking. They were making progress.

“If I’m not a surgeon then _what am I_?” The words were damn right broken, and Jim was moving before he’d even given himself permission. He was round the table in a heartbeat, wrapping himself around Bones’ from behind, both arms around his chest as he rest his head on top if his husband’s, “What am I?” Bones repeated on a strained whisper, and suddenly he was shaking in Jim’s arms.

“You’re a doctor,” He said simply, tightening his hold, keeping him steady as he trembled in his arms. Selfishly, he was a little relieved when he leaned backwards into his touch, thankful that at least Bones was reaching for him again, “And right now that might mean something different from what it used to, but it doesn’t make it any less _true,”_ He promised.

He was being tugged at insistently, pulled until he found himself in Bones’ lap, gazing down at him with so much love it was starling, and when he choked out the words, “What am I?” again, he had his answer.

“You’re my husband,” He promised, leaning down into his space, surrounding him with his presence, “And we’re going to get through this. I promise,”

The arms that tightened round his waist, that pulled him into Bones’ body, were steady and confident. Because if Bones was sure of nothing else, he was sure of that. He was Jim’s husband and Jim was his, and together they’d work through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, long time no see! I can only apologise for the long wait but better late than never, right? My life turned its self into a bad soap opera for several months so this got put on the back burner for a while :/ 
> 
> I'm not sure I love this chapter, it's not as long as you guys probably deserved but you guys _definitely_ deserved an update! Thanks for sticking with me <3 
> 
> I can't promise when the next chapter will be finished, but I _can _promise it will be the last one in this arc (though hopefully not the last in this verse)! I added an extra chapter because these two idiots just writing themselves!__
> 
> __As always, let me know what you think because your wonderful reviews were the thing that got me writing again <3_ _


	4. Chapter 4

Jim tried not to frown as he made his way down to the MedBay, tried not to let his mind wander to anything too horrific about why his presence was required there.

It wasn’t often he got called down there like this, as a Captain and not as a husband. It had been important to him, when he’d taken command, that each of his departments could function independently, that his crew knew that he trusted them to do their jobs, trusted their expertise where his own knowledge might be lacking. This was obviously especially pertinent to the MedBay. Jim had no clue what went on behind the scenes in a medical environment and for the life of him he couldn’t understand why he was being called down there now, what he could possibly add to any discussion.

He knew it was serious the moment he entered M’Benga’s office, could see it clearly on the face of the acting CMO.

“Take a seat, Captain,” The doctor requested, gesturing to the chair on the other side of the desk and Jim’s stomach went _liquid_ as he collapsed down into it.

“…Bones?” He asked, feeling as though he could barely breath around the question.

“What? No. No! He’s fine, this isn’t about his recovery. Sorry Captain. I, uh- I probably should have made that clearer,” M’Benga admitted sheepishly, wincing at the unintentional distress he’d caused.

It took Jim a minute before he could brush that apology off, the relief that surged through him so all-consuming. Instead he just gestured for the other man to continue speaking, to reveal the real reason his presence was needed.

“It’s Ensign Gibbs,” M’Benga admitted with a sigh.

Jim nodded slowly. He was fairly certain he knew who she was, tried to know his crew’s names and departments at the very least even if he couldn’t recognise them all on sight.

“The astrophysicist?” He clarified.

“Yes. Yes, that’s her. Unfortunately, she suffered a massive stroke this morning,” M’Benga sighed tiredly, “We’ve been monitoring her all day, of course. It looked for a while like she might recover after the surgery but now it’s not looking like that will be the case at all,”

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” He said softly, his face showing how sincere he was. It was easy to forget sometimes, out here in the black as they were, that their ship didn’t protect them from illness. That the sickbay wasn’t only used to patch up bleeding crew members after away missions, sometimes it was utilised for tragedies like this as well.

However, while he _was_ damn sorry to hear that, it didn’t explain what he was doing here.

If a crew member was gravely ill like this, Jim _normally_ found out through a report on his PADD. From there it was his job to reach out to their next of kin and put them in touch with the doctor in charge of the case and offer any assistance that StarFleet was capable of providing. He’d normally try and visit as well, if he could, spend a little more time with his crew in the common areas of the ship, find out who was most closely affected and how they could be supported too.

He had never been called to Medical like this. He had nothing to _offer_ in Medical.

M’Benga must have seen that confusion, because he wasted no time in expanding, “Her condition is slowly deteriorating and she needs a very specific type of brain surgery,” He continued, speaking slowly for Jim’s sake, “I’ve been in contact with every Federation and non-Federation Medical centre that we could feasibly make it to in time before we lose her. No one offers it,”

Jim nodded again. Still, none of that explained what he was doing here, but he sat back patiently. M’Benga was clearly building to something, there was a dangerous kind of focused energy in his voice, begging Jim to _listen_.

“She needs a neural graft, you see Captain,”

Oh.

_“Oh,”_

And suddenly the reason for his presence hit him with _startling_ clarity.

For once in his life Jim knew _exactly_ what medical procedure M’Benga was referring to. That was Bones’ procedure. Bones surgery that he had slaved over, pioneered, and brought to the medical community. Bones’ procedure which had saved countless lives, which had been used to drastically improve the chances of both stroke and trauma victims alike.

“You need Bones,” Jim said in recognition, frowning faintly.

But, to his surprise, M’Benga shook his head, “Leonard hasn’t been cleared for surgery yet,” He explained, voice holding very obvious regret, his distaste for the words he was saying clear.

Okay, that was true. Bones _hadn’t_ been cleared to be in the theatre, not yet. They’d been working up to it slowly, increasing his responsibilities, making sure he was comfortable with each new duty, that he could perform it as well as he’s ever been able to before introducing something else. But _dammit_ , surgery was the only thing he _hadn’t_ been cleared for. The _only_ thing… and the only person’s signature that was missing on the form that would allow it was Bones’ own.

“You said he was ready,” Jim countered swiftly, eyebrows pulling together in confusion, trying not to sound accusatory.

“He is. For _small_ things Captain. Routine surgeries, low risk ones,” M’Benga sighed, scrubbing a hand across his face, “He’s been ready for that for weeks, but he doesn’t- he hasn’t even expressed an _interest,”_

That was true too. Jim hadn’t wanted to push, had wanted to be understanding and supportive and let him take this at his own pace. Now he wondered if maybe he should have.

“He’d want to do this. He’d want to try. If the alternative was _death_ , Geoff? You know he would,” Jim said, and his voice was serious, resolute because he was sure of that. So very sure.

To his credit M’Benga looked genuinely distressed by the situation, “I know Captain, I know. But- I just can’t _let_ him,” He explained, gesturing helplessly at a PADD which Jim had no doubt contained a staggering number of rules and regulations that the doctor before him was being restrained by, “He has to work up to things like this slowly, has to be signed off at each stage and, more than that, I can’t authorise someone to do a surgery _after_ a need arises for it. I can’t. I’m sorry,”

“ _There why am I here_?” Jim asked, the words forceful and serious, though not angry. There had better be a damn good reason.

M’Benga hesitated for the first time, frowning, “Because…” He trailed off, clearly struggling for the correct words, “Because I think knowing about this would set your husband’s recovery back significantly. And- and because I can’t see any benefit to it being brought to his attention or from him finding out about it on his own, if you understand me Captain?”

“You want me to keep this from him? To lie?” He asked blandly, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Not to _lie_ exactly, but-“

“No,” Jim interrupted firmly.

“Eh… no?”

“ _No_ ,” He repeated, firmer, face pulled down into a frown, “Besides the fact that it would be damn near _impossible_ to keep this from someone with Bones’ clearance, I cannot and will not lie to my husband, is that clear doctor?”

“Y-yes Captain of course,” M’Benga stuttered for a moment, “I was only trying to-“

“I know,” He interrupted, his face softened a little at that, recognising the earnest truth in the other man’s face, understanding that he had genuinely been acting in what he thought was Bones’ best interest.

“I know what you were trying to do… but here’s what we’re _going_ to do. You’re going to go get Ensign Gibbs prepped for surgery and I’m going to talk to my husband,” Jim said firmly, sitting up straighter in his chair to make sure M’Benga know how very serious he was.

“Captain we _can’t_ -“

“This woman will die if she doesn’t get the surgery, true or false?” Jim asked, drowning out whatever complaint was about to be thrown his way.

“True,”

“The _only_ person who knows how to do this surgery onboard, or even close by, is Leonard. True or false?”

“Also true, but-“

“Bones has been ready to step into the theatre for weeks now, his arm has been functioning adequately to allow him to resume every other duty he previously had and there has yet to be an issue with him using it in a clinical setting. True. Or. False,” He grit out, eyes narrowing.

Instead of answering M’Benga just sighed, resigned, “…Jim,”

“I know, I know, you can’t… but I can,” He said seriously as he stood, “Consider whatever regulations are preventing this, overridden. Whatever forms need signed, put my name on them and if anyone has a problem with that you can send them my way, okay? I won’t see you in any trouble over this Geoff, but it _is_ happening,” And his voice held a tone of finality.

The other man looked torn for a moment, for only a moment, before nodding, “Yes, Captain,” He nodded, rising as Jim did, eyes serious, “And you know- he _is_ ready for this,” He added, voice much softer.

The rush of relief on hearing those words nearly put Jim on his ass. There wasn’t a single part of him that didn’t think this was the right thing to do, if there had been he never would have done it of course, but hearing that come from someone else was exactly what he needed right now.

“I know,” Jim agreed ruefully, turning to the door, clearing the office in only a couple of strides.

He paused in the doorway though, seeing something in his peripheral vision. A smirk.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it? _That’s_ why you called me down here,” He realised, suddenly feeling very much like he’d been played.

And when he turned back to M’Benga he was smiling warmly, “You’ll never prove it,” He grinned.

Jim just shook his head, one side of his mouth twitching up in a disbelieving smile.

It was never unwelcome to know that his crew cared deeply for his husband, that their trust in him had never wavered and their belief in his abilities had never faltered, after all.

\---

“What were you _thinking_? Jesus Jim, _were_ you thinking? Shit. _Shit_ ,”

In hindsight Jim wasn’t actually sure how he’d thought this conversation would go, he hadn’t gotten that far in his master plan. It had just been so _clear_ to him, so obvious what they should do.

He hadn’t expected Bones’ to be thrilled with the idea, sure, but he hadn’t prepared for this either. Hadn’t prepared for the very real frustration in his husband’s voice, for the anger that was masking something so much worse; fear.

“I was thinking about Ensign Gibbs,” He shot back immediately, feeling slightly defensive under the heat of his husband’s glare, “Who needs a surgeon, in case you missed that part,”

“Jim, I’m not a-“

“Don’t you dare,” He interrupted vehemently, eyes narrowing dangerously, “Don’t you fucking dare,”

“Well I’m _not_!” Bones exploded right back, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation, shaking his head, “And you _wanting_ me to be isn’t going to change that. I know this would be a nice easy fix for you Jim, but real life doesn’t fucking work like that,”

“The _only_ thing stopping you from surgery is yourself, you know that right?” Jim said on a sigh, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose, “You’ve been ready for weeks. M’Benga was practically begging you to consider going back into theatre and you kept saying no. Which was fine. It _was_ … when we had the time, but this is _it_ Bones. Time’s up,”

Bones wavered at that at least, sinking down to sit on the edge of their bed, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. Jim _ached_ to reach for him, to draw him into his arms and promise that it was alright, that he didn’t have to do this if he didn’t want to. Only, he couldn’t, because no matter how bad Bones was feeling now, Jim knew he’d feel ten times worse if he let that woman die without a fight.

“Jim,” Bones sighed eventually, voice weary, “We aren’t talking about a routine surgery here, we aren’t even talking about an _easy_ surgery. We’re talking about a damn Neural Graft, okay? There’s a reason why so few people can do it,”

Jim nodded readily at that, accepting it easily but not giving up, not even for a minute, “But this is _your_ surgery. If anyone can do this, it’s you,”

There’s a long pause where Jim could tell nothing had changed, that his words had no effect and they didn’t have _time_ for this. With a sigh he changed tactics.

“She’ll die without it Bones, how much damage can you really-“

And Bones’ head snapped up damn fast at that, an angry glint back in his eye,” Don’t. That’s not how medicine fucking _works_ , Jim. You can’t just decide you’re going to hack into someone’s _brain_ because they’re going to die anyway. There’s a human life at stake here, have you got that?”

“Yes, there is,” He agreed simply, latching onto that, “A life that you can _save_ ,”

There’s another long pause before Jim sighed and tried _again_ , unwilling to let this go, “Her next of kin wants you to do it, he wants you to try,”

Bones scoffed, “Oh, that changes everything, let me just start slicing into grey matter with a hand that’s _never done it before_ because her _boyfriend_ wants me to,”

He was being deliberately belligerent now, and Jim couldn’t help but answer in turn, “Her husband and father of two of her kids but _whatever_ , right? I lost a parent out in the black and I was just fine… oh _wait._ No, I wasn’t,” He snapped.

Bones at least had the decency to look slightly apologetic, to wince at Jim’s words, but he doesn’t relent either and Jim plays his ace, “If it was me, would you do it? If I needed the surgery,”

“That’s not fair,”

“I never said I was playing fair,” Jim countered.

There’s a long, uncomfortable pause between them, the only thing audible being two sets of equally ragged breathing; an unstoppable force and an immovable object staring each other down.

“Well? Would you?”

Bones’ whole posture sagged, and Jim recognises it _instantly_ as defeat, “You know that I would,” He admitted after a long moment.

“Okay then,” He said quietly, matching Bones’ softer tone because he’s fairly certain he’s won, that he’d finally found the angle he was looking for to make Bones see what was so obvious to everyone else, “What I am to you? She’s that to someone else… and that’s worth fighting for,”

“I know Jim, I know. It’s just…” And he trailed off, unable or unwilling to say the words.

Jim moved before he gave himself permission, folding himself down to kneel on the floor in front of his husband, practically between his legs as he took Bones’ hands earnestly.

“You’re scared,” He finished for him, saying the words so Bones won’t have to, “It’s okay. It’s okay that you feel like that Bones, but we both know you have to do this,” He still looked doubtful though, so Jim ploughed on, “And you won’t be in there yourself. You _handpicked_ your staff, you’ve got the best team that StarFleet has to offer,”

That, at least, Bones responds too, the pride he felt for his staff easily shadowing his own self-doubt, “Yeah,” He agreed, but it was wobbly, and really that’s not quite enough.

“And _you’re_ amazing, okay? I don’t doubt that you’re going to your very best for Ensign Gibbs, that you’ll fight for her as hard as you fight for the rest of us. If I did, if anyone did, you wouldn’t be going in there at all,” He murmured, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek, lift his gaze from the carpet and meet his eye, “Okay?”

“Okay,”

“Good,” And when he rose, he offered Bones’ a hand to do the same, wishing that there was more time to do this, to ease Bones into it- but there’s not. They have to move now. “You want me to walk you down there?”

But Bones shook his head immediately, “No. You never have before,” And Jim can understand that, can understand routine.

“Okay,” He murmured, and he can’t stop himself from drawing his husband into a tight embrace, “We all believe in you, okay? You can do this,” He promised, holding on for just a minute longer before letting him go, searching his eyes one last time before nodding, happy with the determination he found there.

Good. That was good.

\---

Jim was more nervous than he had any right to be, waiting as he was in the CMO’s office. The procedure was long, several hours, and he’d tried to work in his ready room for some of it before anxiety had driven him down here, as if he could _possibly_ do anything. He’d paced around for a while before a nurse had firmly guided him in here and shut the door with a pointed look.

Yeah okay, that was fair. He must have looked like a man demented. He _felt_ like a man demented, because if this went wrong it would be all his fault. He’d pushed Bones to do this, he’d practically stuck the scalpel in his hand and pushed him through the theatre doors. Had it been the right thing to do? Absolutely. Would Bones see it like that if Gibbs died? Absolutely _not_.

Bones career was at stake here, Jim wasn’t naïve enough to think they’d get him back into surgery again easily if this went wrong. They’d have never gotten him back _at all_ though if he’d let her die, Jim knew that at least for _certain_.

It was just- it was hard to keep that in perspective right now.

He’d almost worn a hole through the deck by the time his husband _staggered_ in, looking as exhausted as Jim has ever seen him. He blinked in surprise at Jim, standing there dumbly for a moment, before Jim could guide him down onto the couch at the edge of the room, crouching in front of him with serious eyes.

For a long moment there’s nothing but quiet, and Jim feels like he can’t _breathe,_ feels like he might never breathe again, before-

“She’s going to make it,”

And they were the sweetest damn words Jim had ever heard.

Bones is in his arms before he could even process the movement, tackling his husband into a hug that sent them both careening backwards on the couch, Jim practically straddling Bones’ lap as he dragged him forward into the comfort of Jim’s own body.

Bones came willingly, burying his head in Jim’s neck, letting him run his hands through brown hair and coax him closer.

“She’s going to make it,” He repeated, pulling Jim in even closer as he shook under that knowledge, under the relief of what he’d managed to do. There were tears in his voice when he spoke again, though Jim heard him valiantly trying to swallow them back, “ _Jim_. Jim, she’s going to make it,”

“I know,” He murmured, because sometimes it helped to hear someone else say it, to reaffirm and promise what you already knew, “I know, shh. Shh now,”

But Bones didn’t quiet, and he didn’t calm, not that Jim had truly expected him to. He just clutched at Jim tighter, losing his battle with the tears until he was crying into Jim’s neck.

“I don’t know why,” Bones tried valiantly to explain, the words strangled but determined, “I just- _Jim_. Jim, I did it,” He choked out, and the words were so damn _relieved_ that it was staggering.

“Doesn’t matter why,” He promised easily, because there was probably a million reasons, each as good as the last for Bones tears, and Jim didn’t give a damn about any of them, “You did,” He confirmed, kissing the top of his head, gentle and loving and everything they both needed right now.

Jim had never felt so relieved by his husband’s tears in his damn life. There had been a lot of them recently, but none had been like this, because this wasn’t grief. It wasn’t loss or frustration or anger… it was _healing_.

It was healing.

And when Bones pulled back, Jim could see that in his eyes, “I didn’t- It wasn’t the same,” He said softly, “I needed my team more but, shit Jim, I did it. I did a _Neural Graft_ , I was a surgeon again and I don’t _care,_ ” And if there was a single other good thing to come out of this process it was how much better they’d gotten at communicating with each other, “I don’t care,” He repeated firmly, and there wasn’t a single doubt in Bones’ eyes.

Jim grinned down at him, brushing hair back off his face to look into his eyes seriously, “We always knew it would be different,” He reasoned evenly, but it didn’t even look like his efforts were needed, Bones already dismissing them with a shake of his head.

He looked up at him with awe for a moment, a thought clearly striking him as hard as a physical blow would, “I can go back work,” He managed to say after a moment, and that sent him back into a fit of tears; sobbing, crying, _laughing_ in Jim’s arms.

“You can,” Jim confirmed, and his own laugh wasn’t unaffected, wasn’t without tears of his own because _shit,_ this is what they’d been working towards, what they’d been working _for_.

This was the illusive ‘someday’ they’d never stopped striving for. The day that Bones had sworn again and again would never come while Jim _promised_ him that it would. It would come if they just held on a little bit longer. This was someday… and it was here.

Suddenly there weren’t any more words to be said, or if there was Jim certainly didn’t know them. Instead, he leaned down and drew Bones into a kiss, insistent hands in his husband’s hair, guiding him up until he could press their mouths together. It was hard and insistent, and Jim poured everything he wanted to say into it, poured his relief and elation and hope, all those good things, while Bones nipped away at his lower lip the way they both liked.

He was breathless by the time he drew back, resting his forehead against Bones’, grinning at the hand that automatically settled on his lower back to keep him steady and close, the touch so grounding it practically made his toes curl.

“I’m so proud of you,” He murmured, eyes as soft as they were serious, “I am so damn proud, you hear?”

Bones’ choked on a sob at the words, nodding when words failed him, slipping his hand up under Jim’s top to caress the skin there, both of them sighing contentedly at the touch.

For a long moment they just breathed together, each holding the other close in a steady kind of promise. At one point it looked as though Bones was going to do something ridiculous like thank him, so Jim kissed him quiet instead, unwilling to ruin this, to ruin the gentle calm they had worked so hard for.

“Congratulations Dr McCoy,” He murmured eventually, when they were both drowsy from each other’s company and comfort, warm in each other’s arms, “Another patient saved, here’s to many more, huh?”

Bones blinked up at him for a second, slow and as relaxed as Jim had ever seen him, very much at peace with the world. Finally. _Finally_.

“Yeah Jim. Sounds real good darlin’,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you guys have it, the end of this arc! <3 Sorry it took so long to make it to you, I hope it was worth the wait? 
> 
> This story was adapted from a long ass roleplay that's still writing itself, so I absolutely plan on adapting other story lines and ideas as well, if anyone would like to read them? They won't all directly relate to this story, but they will all be in this verse, so do let me know if there's anything specific you'd like to see more of in the future!
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! Reviews make my heart happy, so please consider leaving one <3 I especially enjoy hearing people's favourite parts/lines!


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